the devil went down to mexico, and that devil's name was mo.

tequila will be shot and hearts will be broken. pics and stories in six days and seven nights. peace!

fernando vargas for trying to smuggle a baseball into a boxing match


this guy for chopping his million dollar ferrari in half with a telephone pole


dubya for showing everyone that osama is not the only one hiding from america in afghanistan


anna kournikova, for going on the lohan coke diet (sorry, tony)


and coach k, for being a pretentious, hoity toity stain on the game of basketball.


be sure to tune in next week to see meredith grey, the officials at this weekend's Game, and a certain young greek brunette from new york.

alfie
2005
directed by charles shyer
jude law marisa tomei omar epps nia long susan sarandon sienna miller

jude law, jude law, jude law. whatever are we going to do with you. probably the very definition of man candy and he knows it. women want him, and men want to be him. his critics will point out that he tends to be a lot of style with only a little substance, but how can you blame him? he bangs gorgeous blonde actresses two at a time and is adored by millinos over there across the pond. if thats what a lack of substance gets you these days, then bring me a $3000 suit, a haircut, and some of that toothpaste that makes ya teeth go bling! when you smile.

jude's character in this film is even more important that his flashiness. it used to be that in movies, the hero had to be this uber macho roided up hot head, and anything or anyone less than this was a total wuss bag and didnt deserve to save the girl. think rambo, superman, bruce willis, excetera. but in more modern times, the post teenage love drama era, there is a new hero. the smart, smooth, all too confident ladies man. instead of destroying a whole village with a flamethrower and carting off his booty by throwing her over the shoulder, the 21st century leading man makes women faint and fall and pursue him. by outthinking and outplaying women at their own game, this new hero expends much less energy than Early Man. the ramifications of this new hero are astounding. the man doesnt need the fancy car or a big house or lots of guns. the man needs to project confidence and utterly unflappable demeanor to get the girl, finally proving that the best pick up line in the book is a shit eating grin. also see jerry maguire, hitch, spiderman.

charles shyer is most notably the director of steve martin marriage films, ie the father of the bride series. in this film, however, influences from british pop film directors, such as tony scott guy ritchie and numerous other music video producers are easily seen. lots of bright colors, and edits of fast paced artsy short scenes made me feel at times like i watching snatch without the guns and the gangsters. another trick shyer used a great deal were the not so subtle mise en scene billboards when alfie is walking around the city that proudly display large emotion words, such as PERSUASION and DESIRE, in huge letters. these are not typical ways of conveying emotion, but they work kinda like hiding your dirty magazines under the coffee table books in your living room.

i believe in lots of things, and other people believe in lots of things too. sometimes those things dont match up, and thats ok, cuz the important thing is that people have something, anything that they believe in. its almost like the answer to why humans were put on this planet is to believe in something. if not, than what are you here to do? make some money? see some girls' tan lines? take drugs? no way man, theres way more to this world than that. something bigger, greater, more powerful than any fist or missile. to find something to follow to our hearts content.

thats what i believe in.

i believe that good sportsmanship is better than bad sportsmanship

i believe in the sanctity of casual, commitment-less relations with beautiful women.

i believe i can fly.

i believe i am not going anywhere after i die.

i believe in the golden rule: he who has the gold should treat everyone the way he would want to be treated.

i believe in hockey.

i believe that hockey will not survive the next 10 years.

i believe that the pen is mightier that the weapons of mass destruction.

i believe that ive learned everything i needed to know about how to get women through the game of poker.

i believe that poker is as much of a sport as window washing.

i believe in the sand beneath my toes, the beach give a feeling, an earthly feeling...

i believe that baseball is the reason why the world hates America.

i believe that the star spangled banner should be played on electric guitar, not sung, before sporting events.

i believe that all professional athletes should play for twenty dollars an hour, and have no bitching fines written into their contracts.

i believe that a well dressed ugly man gets laid a lot more than an underdressed sugar daddy.

i believe that marisa tomei is the sexiest woman alive.

i believe that by june, i will have slept with three of my bosses at the dealership.

i believe that no one will find out, and i will not get fired.

i believe that no one could survive a single day without good friends and good food.

i believe that lists are windows into the depths of the human soul, without all the pesky paragraphs.

one year ago today (ok, not quite today):

carolina vs. duke is the best rivalry in all of sports. period.

baseball is not anything remotely resembling an athletic activity, so yanks-sox arent even in the running. i mean really, who cares about a bunch of overpaid, overweight dads playing catch.

college football is out cuz all the players are slaves of the money machine called the bcs. all bullshit.

rivalries arent driven by money. rivalries are driven by pride. pride for your school, pride for your teamates, pride for your fans.

pride for the name on the front of the jersey and not the one on the back.

at the end of the day, win or lose, a professional athlete gets paid. his kids eat, his wife shops. and ever once in a while, he gets a spot on mtv cribs. even latrell sprewell.

but rashad mccants doesnt do a throat slash playing against a school 10 miles down the road because he gets a bonus. he does it because he wants a W. no matter what.

north carolina basketball players have no contracts to answer to. no general managers. no agents.

just ghosts.

and banners.

and history.

and while a may paycheck speak louder, the ghosts will not be denied.

ever.

this is the best magazine cover of the last forty years.

id have to agree for a number of reasons.

one:

its rolling stone magazine, a pop culture behemoth hiding in low key print journalism clothing.

two:

john lennon is one of the most iconic figures of the twentieth century. his catalogue with The Beatles, and as a solo artist are untouchable, both in sheer volume and quantity. he set fashion trends, political trends, ideological trends.

three:

while he was sadly taken from us too soon, lennon is one of very very very very very few non political figures whose murder is referred to as an assasination.

four:

lots of artsy fartsy visual stuff. soft focus and medium lighting creates a painting-on-canvas effect. neither of the two bodies are looking at the reader, which places focus on the picture as a whole, rather than the star power of yoko and john. through positioning, gender roles are reversed. while women are usually the ones who are objectified through showing skin, here john is the one whos naked, in the fetal position, no less. its not sexual at all, but in fact it displays him as weaker and powerless compared to the fully clothed, comfortably positioned yoko. you see her barely accepting his embrace, as if he is fully and totally subservient to her. this image of their relationship is supported by the public's image of their relationship during his life; one of a loving, affectionate john and a supportive, noninvasive yoko. powerful stuff.

five:

magazine logo is de-emphasized by using a darker color that blended into the overall feel of the picture. funny thing is, bring out the words 'rolling stone' more would have weakened the image, and consequently, weakened sales.

six:

this cover has nothing to do with the crazy crazy weekend i had. there arent any crowded malls, dirty celebrity apartments, or gay cats in bed with mr and mrs ono, but those are stories for another time and another place.

night.

this week in gratuitous pics of fine women:


never mind the dudes. theyre just along for the ride.

fifteen minutes to one am east coast time. sounds like a tight squeeze, but itll have to do.

ive imposed a one am bedtime for myself on school nights for the rest of the year. i really have a lot on my plate right now, and i dont do any of it after ten, so if im still up this late, im just fucking around my house, watching tv, or worse, blogging. if ive learned anything in three years of college, its that i like to sleep and that i need to get more of it.

anyway, i said that there were some important things that i needed to talk about tonight. these will come a little fast, so see if you can keep up:

katrina: a completely tragic situation. i wish i could do more than donate 15,000 dollars to the red cross.

rehnquist: sudden, but not unexpected. replacing one of the most powerful men in washington is just another thing for bush to fuck up.

bush: hes fucking up. nuff said.

whew, now that we have all that out of the way, lets get back to business.

i got an email yesterday from a kid in dallas wondering why i dont just quit my job at the dealership so i can fuck, i mean date jennifer aniston. he says that she so smokin hot that it would be worth it to be unemployed for a while, wouldnt it?

to that i have to say, yes and no.

i talked before about how it feels when a gorgeous girl whispers sweet nothings in your ear and tells you she wants you. its an amazing feeling, so amazing in fact that, if only for a day or two, i actually asked myself paris who? and really believed that i had forgotten about her.

but the thing is that i really like my job. i think retail sales is highly underrated. ive learned so much in the few months that ive been at the dealership. meeting a bunch of new people everyday, learning about those people, trying to get them to give us a whole lotta money. those kinds of skills are what are important in a real world job, not some piece of paper from a big school with a seal on it.

but dont get things twisted folks. this is not a job i see myself doing for another ten years, like the head manager, syd. he started as a saleman when he was 19 years old and hes going on 234 next month. i plan on not working there anymore sometime within the next year or so, so im not going to say that this job is my priority over all other priorities.

so basically, im saying this. if i were to quit my job now, even for legit reasons like the low pay, lack of hours, and constantly getting hit on by the gay guy in financing, deep down i know that i would also be quitting just so i could date jennifer. doing anything for the sake of following a girl should only be done under the most serious of circumstances, and my little thing with the recently single ms aniston is in no way a serious circumstance. on top of that, quitting just to date her would put tremendous pressure on that relationship to actually work out and last for an extended period of time. let me remind you folks that we havent even been on a date yet. that pressure, in and of itself, is enough to torpedo any relationship, especially one that hasnt even started yet.

so, for now, im just holding steady. i might start casually browsing the classifieds, i might start nonchalantly flirting with her around the office a bit more than usual. or i might not be. we'll see.