once upon a time, it was 10 forty four at night. that gave mo sixteen minutes to talk a whole lotta shit. the haters didnt like it, and they went ahead and fucked off. ready? set?

go.

monday night tv is unusually bad. well, maybe just tonight cuz usa network was dumb enough to have only one episode of svu to make room for the first wives club, a movie about a bunch of gold diggers that get mad when they get divorced and get nothing. fooled at their own game and somebody's gonna pay.

last time i checked, people have hated that movie since 1995.

this new show, miami ink, looks promising. a show about a tattoo shop thats not about the technically challenging and uber intricate world of tattoos

ive been sitting in front of the tv quite a bit lately. im not so sure thats a good thing. hell, im sitting in front of the tube as i write. let me tell you about my sweet bachelor pad setup.

-sony 36 inch flat screen
-onkyo six point one channel surround sound w/ 400 watt 10 inch sub
-digital cable with dvr hbo showtime but no skinemax
-xbox
-two playstations
-a dvd rack thats taller than me

yeah, get jealous bitches.

howard stern is tickling a fine white woman in a yellow bikini. shes strapped down tight in the Tickle Chair. oops, when booie gave her water he, um, accidentally spilled water down her chest, so it flowed down between her large large mams. apparently, she had a movie coming out, and by promising her plugs is how howard got her in the chair. national lampoon's gold diggers? she says shes in a bikini in the movie too, so people should go see it.

tiger woods is the fucking man. he will win a total of twenty five majors, but will only have one kid. he wont be any good at golf.

im writing a recap of Wimbledon for a small monthly magazine. hey, when nobody at the mall wants to hire you, a mans gotta make some money somewhere. even if its freelancing for an ezine thats two months behind espn and all the others. oh well.

jessica alba came over last night. yes, she got tanked. no, i did not let her drive home. we just stayed up really late and, um, talked. about truth, beauty and beautiful lies. she likes ben and jerrys ice cream and i just happened to have some. she would lick the spoon clean really slowly, with her whole tongue every time.

it was, in a word, luscious.

|