Monday, July 25, 2005
 the call came thru on the double secret golden cell phone around three forty three in the am. i only carry it when im on call, or have a night off. charlie never ever calls the golden cell phone, i thought. where the hell is tmobile and why isnt charlie calling him.
baby, isnt it your night off, she said.
hold on, i have to take this. its charlie.
just when i was about to lay into him for interrupting my night off, charlie said that tmobile was in the hospital and he was in pretty bad shape. before charlie could say go go gadget guitar i was out the door. i hoped into the grungemobile, cranked up band girls money and blazed off.
tmobile looked like shit. he was lying in the hospital bed, passed out, barely breathing. his face was twisted this way and that. it was obvious he was in a lot of pain.
what happened doc?
your sidekick is lucky to be alive. hes been tortured quite badly. hes suffered a noogie, two atomic wedgies, and multiple indian rugburns on his arms and legs.
oh geez doc, is he gonna be ok?
well, thats not all. it appears that whoever did this to him also gave him a third degree titty twister. it the worst ive ever seen.
seeing tmobile lying in his condition, i knew there was only one person who could be responsible for all of this. i got back in the grudgemobile and called charlie.
charlie, i need a locator trace on Lownote and the Bassballs.
mo, you mean the subwoofer thugs?
yeah, they were last spotted at the best buy on the highway.
ok, im there.
lownote and the bassballs are the most notoriously savage subwoofer thugs on the block. while most of the other gangs of subwoofer thugs hang out at small audio shops and only rock twelve inchers, lownot does not fuck around with that small time shit. his gang hits up only the biggest best buy stores around and bang out with fifteen inch speakers out of their ragtag caddies. even with both les pauls and a new stack of marshalls, tmobile would have obviously been outmatched, and now hes lying in the hospital.
it was time to teach lownote and his boys a lesson.
they were all in the parking lot, huddled around a circle of cars, talking loudly and saying bad words and scaring all the customers that were going in the best buy. when i pulled up, lownote tried to play it cool, while give me a harsh look through squeezed eyelids.
 long time no see, daysleeper.
its time for you to get outta town, lownote. and take your balls with you.
one of his henchman lunged at me, but lownote held him back. he had a cold smile.
heard bout ya boi tmobile. got hurt o' sumthin'. hows he doin' up in dat hospital an' shit.
hes doing alot better than your gonna be, lownote.
the bass balls each grabbed their chains off their necks and attacked. swinging platinum and gold maces were no joke, but i came prepared. the les paul easily blocked and shielded away the chains, and with a few deft swings of the mighty six stringer, the gang was down.
lownote stood and watched, and was disgusted and couldnt believe what he saw. once his last henchman went down, he cried. and cried and cried like a little baby cuz he was scared.
please, sob sob, please daysleeper...
shut up lownote.
he turned and ran for his car, but he was too slow. just as he got to the door, i grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him in the trunk. i dont know if he got out or not...
in the back seat was a stack of brand spanking new PSP's that the thugs had hustled out of the best buy. as i walked away, i slipped one under the trenchcoat.
thanks lownote, i said.
theres a guy i know in the hospital that would love one of these
posted by accident at 12:30:00 AM +
 
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