Thursday, May 12, 2005
at an old job of mine, there was a fancy restaurant down the street where they sent us to fight crime. they had the only bar in town that would serve double flaming everclear on the rocks and the bouncers needed a hand from us computer nerds every once in a while.
i hated it. it was full of snotty people and it smelled funny and the food was the incorrect goodness for its price. i never liked spending a single second in that place.
except for on those tuesday nights.
on the second tuesday of every month, the big boys would show up to the smelly restaurant. theyd come in four, five at a time and there were about 20 of them total. six pee em sharp. they always got the big room in the back, the one with the long long table surrounded by the most comfortable chairs in the place. i dont really know what they talked about, cuz i never really paid them much attention. nobody in the know ever paid them much attention. they were too busy looking outside.
the local ford pinto car club.
a good mix, this car club. the older guys had 928's, like the one in scarface when tony gets bored and wants to buy a car. some of them had 930's, the ones with the slotted shades over the rear windshields and the funny black body trim pieces. the yuppies drove the 911's, and the really rich ones had the turbos with the special ground effects. the oil tycoons and dotcom pawners rolled up in a gt2 and a carrera gt each. there were black, silver, white, yellow red, purple and blue ones and they all parked together at the far end of the lot. the bouncers and the busboys would stare and drool in longing. see you in twenty years, theyd say, just like in the commercial.
the car club was alot like high school. a buddy of mine, nate lawson, newly minted with that new job showed up one day with a boxster and they all gave him funny looks, like wtf are you doing noob and get dat shit outta here. the first few months werent fun at all for nate, but he stuck around cuz he loved those ford pintos that much.
and over time the oldest guys moved away and others moved on to the golf course and still others moved up to that big garage in the sky. and nate lawson stuck around for a few years and moved on up to the east side and eventually it came to be that he was choosen to lead the club. a very prestigious title indeed. nate lawson, humble and gracious and honorable as he is, took this honor very close to his heart and ran with it.
his first order of business was to move the monthly meetings to mcdonalds.
he hated the smelly restaurant more than i did.
but nate lawson is a smart man. his establishment of the mcdonalds conventions was unpopular at best, and he knew this. so, to appetize his constituency, he offered a compromise. the member who could eat the most chicken mcshits at the monthy meeting could choose the place of the next meeting. and the people were amused by this offer, but he was dead serious and they took him up on it with vigor.
what they didnt know is that nate lawson really, really likes chicken mcshits from mcdonalds.
almost as much as his ford pinto.
today, six years later, nate lawson is a revolutionary. the millionaires and yuppies and trust fund babies who came into the club were now average joes. instead of stocks and bonds and golf, they howl and roar over baseball and monster trucks and funny jokes about pretty girls. however, the greatest achievement above all of these is that nate lawson, my buddy of many years, took a room full of bush votes and got them over themselves. all because not a single one in the lot could eat a lousy 2394506978 chicken mcshits like nate could. driving up to a mcdonalds parking lot once a month in your vintage 911 turbo ford pinto will humble the proudest man. it took a long time to realize, but it is nate lawson's gift to them, and they are thankful.
dont tell him, but i could whoop nate lawson's ass at eating mcshits any day of the week.
posted by accident at 1:17:00 AM +
 
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