volume 2

you have been the one, you have been the one for me

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

being in college will drive you to alcoholism, promiscuity, and a great number of other things that men of the cloth would shake their heads at. even while they leave the courtroom in handcuffs.

even when they try to create more bedroom police.

way to go, red states. you wanted moral values, you got moral values.

what all those college-educated red states must have missed is that college teaches you more things than one-sided abstinence "eductation" or other faith-based initiatives ever will. college teaches you lessons of life. and those never go away.

within the first two weeks, a college freshman who's never touched a can of beer before will figure out exactly how much he can drink and still make it home in one piece. laura bush cant even teach her husband that, how is she gonna teach a high school kid?

within the first two months, a college freshman who's never touched a woman will have met a girl whos slept with enough guys to field a football team. he will realize that he doesnt want to meet her friends clap, crabs and herpes, so he will wear a rubber with every woman he slepts with until he gets married. cuz nobody wants the burn.

within the first two years, a college student will have his heart broken. he will see a woman that he is in love with slip away from his arms and he will feel miserable and dejected. then, one morning, he will wake up from his lovesick coma and realize that he is a better man than her, and that all the ways she hurt him were petty and trite and that he will persevere and move on past her selfish and trifling ways. he will delete her number from his phone, throw away her letters, and take her screename off his buddy list. he will step out into the world that day a new man, and he will be fine.

bush thinks that americans are unfit to live life, but id like to think hes wrong.

id like to think the best of me

is still hiding up my sleeve.

posted by accident at 11:46:00 PM +

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