Monday, January 31, 2005
 i used to go to church we i was a little kid, like 8 or 9 years old. i never saw what the whole big deal was about god and faith and all that, but im pretty sure that all the confusion was mostly cuz they spoke in a different language at the church.
one day i was going outside to get some change from the car. this older kid, who was probably like twelve, was walking towards me on the walkway, which was just a narrow strip of concrete. it had rained that morning, and the grass on both sides was soggy and muddy.
there wasnt enough room for both of us and we bumped on the way by. it was on.
i had kept walking, but he came up behind me a gave me a good shove into the wet grass. he backed up, and before i could get up, he hop-stepped into a 95-yard field goal with my spleen. i puked up what i though were my intestines.
he bent over in my ear and started mumbling some trash talk when i turned over and swung for his face. i caught two knuckles right on his upper lip with a nice crack.
he screamed jack the ripper bloody fucking murder. he cried and grabbed his face with both hands and saw rosy red on his fingers and cried some more. i was rolled up fetal style in the soggy grass. i thought i was dead.
moms and dads and aunts and uncles came out of the church like kids on the last day of school. our shrieks had broken the solemn silence of prayer. they found one barely standing, bleeding from the mouth, one curled up and muddied in the grass, barely breathing.
his name was christian, and i never saw him again.
and with that it was done. the bible thumpers had lost one of its promising ranks forever.
 i filled my life with other things to keep me happy. and sane. i turned to sports and had fun. i turned to music and wrote songs. a few years later i got a job and made money. i had moved on, i thought.
lots of blood and lots of sweat, but not alot of tears. not as many as that day at least. and that made me feel a little better.
god and faith and all that means something different to me today than before, but not that much different. i still don't own a copy of the bible. not because i used all the pages for tp, but cuz of the walrus and the carpenter via loki, angel of death himself:
Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you. "
he has a point, but then again, loki is the always paradoxical embodiment of the killer angel, so don't take his word as gospel.
don't take anything for gospel.
traumatic childhood experiences are shrink fodder and since im no shrink i wont even go there. but one thing i do know is that i haven't met anyone named christian since that day at the church.
for their benefit, i hope i never do again.
posted by accident at 11:42:00 PM +
 
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