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you have been the one, you have been the one for me


Wednesday, December 15, 2004

It's exactly 28 degrees outside, but as I walk I inhale huge gulps of air. I breathe deeply through my nose, eyes closed, and it frosts my nostrils, my lungs, and down inside my gut, right in the top of my stomach. I can taste ice and it burns.

I stop walking and turn around to look at the sun. Its setting, long and wide as the ocean over pointy trees and rooftops. Little white earbuds blare away into my head. I open my mouth and blow out a cloud.

Look up at the sky.

I hate December. I hate short days and cold nights. I hate drinking beers when I want a fruity dadquiri and hot mexican food. I hate spending all that money I don't have. I'm sorry Mr. Jackson.

But that sun. That cold air in my lungs, that faint aftertaste of so many cups of coffee. That last, last test...

I can't help but smile. I look down on my chest, where those two white wires come oh so neatly together in that white spade. I look up, just to make sure. Off to one side, then the other. I smile again, almost laughing.

Peace, soon, finally. I'm so fucking happy right now I could cry.

What's the use in worrying. What's the use in hurrying.

My sister runs down the stairs and attacks presents. She stands up with a big, toothy smile and a wad of colored paper stuck in her hair. We all sit at the dinner table and clink classes and drink anniversary wine and joke and laugh. I roll snake eyes and land on free parking and win. Mom is mad cuz she had Boardwalk and Park Place and didn't.

A round of Cuervo and toasts and cheers and clinks. Drunken countdowns arm-in-arm. We haven't seen you since we drank margaritas, it's been too long. Hugs and handpounds, cuz in a few years our kids will be the ones having all the fun. I love you, man.

My mouth is open wide, I lick and taste.

posted by accident at 2:46:00 AM +