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you have been the one, you have been the one for me

Monday, June 28, 2004

I was riding the waves of television boredom the other day when I happened to catch High Fidelity on the tube. Very good movie, highly recommended by the Chosen One Himself. Oversimplified plot explanation is as follows: John Cusack's character, a thirty-something record store owner and professional music appreciator, goes through a difficult break-up with girlfriend. In the process, learns about himself and how to make a compilation album (watch the movie, you'll get it).

Cusack's character has a tendency to look the audience in the eye, and put whatever is bouncing around between his ears into monologued Top Five lists. Kind of like Letterman without so much teeth or lame graphics. Or the numbers 5-10 for that matter. Anyway, I am going to periodically create my own pure and unadulterated Top Five lists. I'll start tonight with one of Cusack's own, Top Five Jobs.

Top Five Jobs:

5. Real estate mogul. No, I'm not talking about your friendly neighborhood Remax agent; I'm talking about Donald Trump with better hair. A large, well-designed building is an awesome sight, and is functional in the most essential sense. Oh, and making more money than Oprah would be pretty cool, too.

4. Architect How about getting to design one of those buildings from the ground up? Like a priceless Da Vinci painting, architecture is a medium of creativity and expression on the grandest of scales. Grand as in permanently altering the skyline of a major city. Your paintbrush can't do that.

3. Professional Hockey Player Sure, hockey players are not included in the image of a professional athlete who lives a "baller" lifestyle, but I never much enjoyed playing with balls anyway. The biggest perk is that hockey players, on average, have the hottest wives of any athletes anywhere. If you don't believe me, look on the cover of this year's Swimsuit Issue.

2. Musician I would play guitar for a band called Blue Insanity. My stage name would be Johnny Thunder. We would play 80's metal until the groupies started getting fatter or stopped coming. Then, in the twilight of our careers, we would sadly dismantle over a tragic, heroine-induced murder-suicide involving our drummer and a midget prostitute from Denmark. I would live happily ever after, and from then on every morning I would sing We Built This City on Rock and Roll at the top of my lungs in the shower.

And Mo's Number One Job is...
1. Writer Ha, bet you didn't see that one coming, huh? Flexible hours, no commute, and I'd actually use my computer for something other than watching hours of porn. Hell, if Nicholas Sparks can get paid the big bucks for his substance-free adolescent melodramas, I'd make enough money to live in Trump Tower and play guitar all day.

More Top Five lists will come in the future. I've actually hit a few snags in my grand experiment, so a detailed update with have to wait for next time.

posted by accident at 1:10:00 AM +

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