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you have been the one, you have been the one for me


Saturday, May 08, 2004

Last night, I watched "Friends" for the first time in a good six years. Part of the reason I watched was because I wanted to see what all the hoop-la was about. I remember in middle school the last time I watched I always had gripes about how unrealistic the storylines and the characters were. Now, after ten years, the show still has the same problems. The final episode itself was fairly predictable and not all that funny, but even after the Leno special I still had some questions, which got me to thinking about art, life, and Jennifer Aniston's chest.

Nobody lets their sister marry their best friend. I mean really, as a man, if your best friend was all up in your sister's business, you wouldn't dare allow that to continue. I don't care if she is as hot as Courtney Cox, that kind of behavior is just not acceptable. Maybe Ross is supposed to be a gigantic, festering vagina, but anyone with two testicles would not just let that happen. Oh, and so no one thinks I'm a hypocrite, I have never and will never hit on or otherwise try to get with any of my friends' sisters. Some people...

How come Joey and Phoebe never got together? They were, like, the only two friends that didn't hook up. Sure, they both had their own love lives, but I think NBC had a more obvious reason. Stupid parents=stupid kids. Joey and Phoebe would have had the most idiotic and incapable children this world has ever seen. Of course, the non-relationship of Joey and Phoebe is highly unrealistic, because everyone knows that stupid people tend to find and fuck each other on a constant basis, bringing more stupid people into this world. Case in point: the entire Bush family.

I could have sworn that Jennifer Aniston had a bigger rack. In that final episode, she made half of the Carolina women's lacrosse team look like Pamela Anderson on steroids. I was extremely disappointed because her roles in "Bruce Almighty" and "Along Came Polly" lead me to believe that, even if the show was absolutely horrible, I would at the very least have a decent set at which to look. Maybe this is a subtle warning to all women: your breasts get smaller with age, so let as many people as possible see and feel them why they're still fully formed. You can start with me tomorrow.

Once you cut through all the fantasy-world drivel and drawn-out drama, you realize that "Friends" can actually teach us some things in the real world. Hot chicks hang out at coffee shops, New York City only has white people, and all of your friends should have a key to your apartment. Wow, what a wonderful world we live in.

posted by accident at 12:51:00 AM +