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you have been the one, you have been the one for me

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I noticed that lately, I've had this strange fascination with two people that have recently become successful enough to be household names again: Donald Trump and Quentin Tarantino. These two disparate characters are considered by most to be polar opposites, but somehow, I seem to associate them together and, more importantly, with success.

Tarantino, the self-confessed movie geek, can't stop talking long enough to have an affair with anyone, much less Uma Thurman. Each of Tarantino's movies is the definition of a cult classic. Mostly violent gangster flicks, each film features Quentin's directorial calling cards; unique cinematography and superb writing. His new film(s) "Kill Bill" is the kind of movie that makes the average movie-goer realize the special kind of genius that Quentin possesses. Tarantino's gift is the vision to create motion pictures completely unlike anything made by anyone in recent memory, to keep doing it for a number of years, and to be successful at it. Few such artists come along in a lifetime. Hanson is not one of them.

By contrast, Trump, the poorly-coiffed real-estate mogul, is the richest frat boy in the world. He builds and owns some of the biggest, most expensive residential and office buildings in the world, probably to overcompensate for having a small penis. I'm sure his European supermodel girlfriends don't mind. They have Benjamin his friends to keep them company. Trump is the only person richer than Oprah that actually has/had a hot wife, which is no small feat. Of course, Trump has his high-stakes real-estate dealings to thank for all his money. Trump has a unique vision for taking advantage of property that nobody wants and creating extravagant and extremely successful buildings on them, which will make money for him for years to come. The Donald is hands down, the best dealmaker of all time. I'm sure Don King reads his books religiously.

Dig past their aesthetic disparities, and the similarities keep coming. Both men have been involved in marriage-ruining affairs. Tarantino's alleged but unrealized affair with Uma Thurman drove Ethan Hawke into the arms of another woman, and ultimately into the arms of a divorce lawyer. Trump's affair with Marla Maples eventually led to their marriage after his divorce from Swedish supermodel wife Ivana. Both men have been featured on MTV, and on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, accomplishments worthy of mounting on the refrigerator. Oh, I almost forgot, both are horribly unattractive. Trump resembles a geriatric Conan O'Brien with more expensive clothes, while Tarantino is a hairier Montgomery Burns on speed.

As always, these two unsightly, home-wrecking visionaries can teach even us plebeians a thing or two. Women find pastel-colored ties sexy, people with big chins like to talk, and having vision is money, no matter how ugly you are.

posted by accident at 10:35:00 PM +

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