Sunday, February 06, 2005
 for the 8695047 million people watching the super bowl tonight, the halftime entertainment will be a live performance from paul mccartney.
freddie mitchell: who's that?
justin timberlake: yeah, and why isn't it me again? i thought i did an awesome show.
michael powell: paul mccartney is a highly respected musician who's performance tonight will insure that the filth and debacle of last years halftime show will not occur again. oh, and someone please give me a job.
pope john paul II: yes, cough! cough! we must stay the course of cough! cough! hack! the Lord and cleanse hack! cough! the media of grime and hack! hack! not allow the disgusting display of obscenity found in last cough! year's cough! despicable cough! performance . hackcoughcoughhackhackcoughhack!
justin timberlake: man, none of that shit last year was my fault. it was just a stupid stunt by janet to sell some records. dammit janet, you've ruined me. all i wanted to to was be like your brother and have my mural on people's clothes.
 janet jackson: it was a wardrobe malfunction.
freddie mitchell: who the hell are the beatles? rodney harrison, you suck.
rodney harrison: (cleans his super bowl rings)
houston: damn straight pope! get em jp! we as christians have to fight a spiritual battle against the evil that runs rampant in the entertainment industry, and the only way to do that is go schizo and gouge our own eyes out!
terrel owens: all the way live from the 2-1-5, baby. we comin to represent!
mo: go eagles
ashlee simpson: why isnt it me? i want to screech at super bowl and get booed by even more people than last time! daddy! i want to play at the suuuuuuuper booooooowl!
joe simpson: dammit ashlee, you suck. the only reason i got you a show is to sell records. the only reason i got you prime gigs on snl and the orange bowl is to sell records. and i only wanted you to sell records so i could make the sweet sweet kwon, but you had to go fuck it all up, and now everyone knows you suck at life. do everyone a favor and go get in a fight with a blender.
 paul mccartney: hey now, guys. theres no need for all of us to fight. we should be happy and celebrate the fact that im enough of a relic to be the antithesis of janet and justin. come on everyone, lets sing. except for you, ashlee.
everyone, in chorus:
Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.
posted by accident at 1:52:00 PM +
 
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